A New Heart for a New Season
Mid-August is a bit of a thing around here. It’s a season marked by decisions, lots of them. Because we have kids in school full-time, part-time, and full-time homeschool there are a zillion details to iron out as we formulate a plan and work to establish a routine. And the details cannot be ironed out ahead of time. We get all the info we need right before school starts and then it is go-time. From that point it usually takes a few weeks for everything to finally fall into place. Part of me loves the excitement of all the wonderful new opportunities, and part of me feels the weight of so many options and so many decisions. Like I said, August is a bit of a thing around here. And it has been for awhile.
I first wrote about the difficult days of August eight years ago. As I revisited my words from that long ago season I was struck by how much has changed and by how little has changed. Then my oldest was a 4th grader and the newness of August threw me for a loop. Today my youngest is a 4th grader and August remains a thing to be reckoned with. But in that season eight years ago and every year since, God has been faithful to teach, forgive, lead, and make new. Read on if you, like me, are in need of new mercies as we enter into the newness of the school season.
August 2015
It can be such a bummer when things don’t go exactly as you hoped they would. Imagine a new exercise plan that sounds great in theory but when it is time to actually sweat…not so great. Or plans for a “fun” day of spring cleaning but when the dust starts to fly…not so fun. Or my present situation; planning our homeschool year was thrilling—I could almost see the thoughts flying, the imaginations whirring, the knowledge growing—but now that we are two days in…not so thrilling.
Is it too late to have them stay at school all day? (This year our school age kids are going to public school in the morning and are home in the afternoon). Is it too late for boarding school?
I don’t really mean that. I really do want to have them home, but…new routines can be hard. It takes time for unrealistic expectations to die and for realistic ones to emerge. It takes time for tweaks to be made, habits to form, and things to become second nature. I know that as we leave summer behind and move into the fall schedule we will, eventually, settle into a new routine. But for this new season to be a good one, I need something else to be new—my heart.
Need for a New Heart
Today, day two of homeschool, my heart overflowed with anger, impatience, frustration, and unkindness which splashed and splattered all over my kids. When I mocked—yes mocked—my 4th grader and he called me on it, I stopped, stepped back, and saw the ugliness that was spewing from my heart. I think it all boils down to two things:
Pride that screams at the kids, “You people are messing up my plan and bugging me in the process!”
Fear that screams at me, “You can’t do this, this isn’t going to work, you are a failure as a mother.”
It was shortly after the mocking that I realized my deep need for a new heart, a heart equipped to handle the new challenges I face in this new season. Good thing for me God seems to like new things. He is all about new mercies (Lamentations 3:23), doing new things (Isaiah 43:19), making all things new (Revelations 21:5), and (YES!) making hearts new (Psalm 51:10).
Create in me a clean heart, O God.
The Hebrew word translated “create”—to make from nothing, to form something entirely new—is a word that is only applied to God. That means that only God can do this kind of new-heart creating. Only God can remove the pride and fear in my heart (along with all of their ugly manifestations) and replace them with His goodness and grace, His new mercies for today, His new mercies for this season. So I pray…
Yes, Lord, please, create in me a clean heart. Thank you for removing my sins as far as the east is from the west and for giving me your righteousness. Now please fill me with the new brand of patience, humility, and kindness required to teach, serve, and love my precious little people in this new season. And…um…if possible…do it soon!
